hiya folks,
Just thought i would update you on my quest to become queen of my kitchen.First things first i decided to get organized i wrote a list of everything i would need to get me started.
No 1: Buy a cook book
No 2: Buy pots and pans (and all the other kitchen stuff i have cremated in the past)
No 3: Buy suitable kitchen attire, I'm thinking sexy but chefie (i did see a shop in town advertising kitchenware so ill start there)
So now that I'm organized i head off to the shops (Okay maybe now that organized as i have left the list on the table at home )
but I'm sure ill remember everything.
I finally navigate myself round WHsmiths to the cookery book section (a first for me as WSsmiths is normally used for heat magazine and such like) Now i know I'm new to all this cooking malarkey but i never realised how many chefs have written books!!! (note to self......Learn to cook,Write a book,look goddess like on cover,make a fortune)
I spend what seems like hours looking at covers of different cookery books,(no use looking inside if all the book covers have shiny old blokes wearing silly hats frying chips or something on them)I cant find anything i feel will help me so i go next door to new look and by a gorgeous top to cook in (found the kitchenware shop and not a skirt or top in sight talk about false advertising)but i did buy some pots,mashers and bashers (don't know the real names of these but that's all part of the learning process i guess) some thongs (back to the false advertising again must have a word with the manager about that!!) and a new fire blanket on the advice of the last fire brigade visit(apparently i go through them quicker that lipstick)!!!!!
With all my new purchases I'm still left with no teaching apparel so i phone friends for advice and the strangest thing happened.Someone must of told them a really funny joke because when i told them i was learning to cook they couldn't were in fits of laughter (must get them to text me the joke)....Anyway they suggested i turn to TV for lessons(there is actually a cooking channel) 
.
Now i don't want to put anyone off learning from TV but oh my god!!!!I find the channel and am confronted with two great big hairy sweaty men skinning what looks like roadkill out doors.(apparently these men are CHEFS called hairy greasy bikers)As much as i want to learn to cook i draw the line at putting on ten stone and growing a beard !!!!!!!!.never gonna happen.I flick around to find a more feminine inspiration and i do in the form of a lovely quirky little woman.She talks about cooking not being a chore (liking this woman already) and that your kitchen should call to you and you should love it back.(she seams a bit hippyish, i haven't caught her name but I'm sure its moonbeam or snowflake or something suitably hippyish).She seems to know what she is talking about but is not doing much cooking so i leave moonbeam/snowflake on in the back round and wonder into the kitchen (feel a bit nervous as i don't fancy standing here with the kitchen calling me i thought only the Japanese had talking kitchens?)I wonder should i take her advice and show some love to it,maybe i should hug a pot or something? No even i think that's to much...
I am still cookbook-less so i decide to just go with the flow of my kitchen(moonbeam again) and take some ingredients out,(what can i make with a tin of soup,5 snicker bars,rice krispies and six rather dubious looking mushrooms?)And then i see it,hurah a recipe on the back of the crispie box.It says all you need is crispies...check,chocolate....(snicker bars)...check, and there is even a child making them on the box (i cant go wrong)
It says to melt the chocolate so i move to the fire starter in the corner of the room(cooker)I turn the gas on but have to look for a lighter as i have recently melted the little flicker button that supposed to light it.(v.long story)found the lighter and apply to cooker which erupts into a mini fire ball but calms quickly(granted i now have no hair on my left arm and half an eyebrow,i needed a wax so now need to figure out how to burn the other one off exactly the same)maybe ill light it from the right next time.....i put a pan of water on and cover it with a plastic bowl and add five snickers and leave it to marinade or simmer or whatever
Now for a new feature for my blog I'm going to give a tip every time i write so here's the first.......
Never leave snickers bars melting in a plastic bowl over a high flame to melt because
A: appearantly snickers don't melt,the bowl does though
B: The peanuts turn into bullets and launch themselves out of the pan and onto the nearest victim
C: the the caramel turns into a lava like substance that will leave you with third degree burns.
So yet again I'm left with a congealed mass at the bottom of my pan but am not disheartened i believe i have made progress...............i didn't have to call the fire service yipppppppppeeeeeeeeeeee
so till next time
THE GODDESS IN TRAINING XXX
...causing a flood that has the met office sending out warnings all over the show and B
.I am going to learn how (think i may need to buy a cookbook or something)that seems to be a good place to start.I really can see myself like that nigella woman on tv (with smaller hips no offence nige).I can picture the hubbys face when he comes in from work and im standing the kitchen (minus the plumes of smoke)wearing something suitably sexy for kitchen work(still dont know what that is but am a great believer in having an outfit for everything) .so this is my first task................LEARN TO COOK.......without the aid of londons fire service.As im not to good with the computer either..... (someone told me it would be funny to write a blog of my progress shame they didnt tell me how as i ended up with the afore mentioned 7 year old (the shame) showing me how to turn the laptop on) anyway like i said am not good a this hi-tec stuff so im sure this piece will end up surfing its way (see im picking up the lingo already) 
onto some god forsaken place on the internet never to be seen again.But if it happens to find itself on to the right place and you like it email me and il be happy to give you all the tips im sure im going to pick up along the way to becoming a domestic goddess......wish me luck im off to do flour a chicken or boil a egg or whatever top chiefs do all day.........bye for now
